The Last Centurion and the Mad Man
by Way Worse Than Scottish
Summary: A Rory/11 fic set after Dinosaurs on a Spaceship. Slash fic. Rory and the Doctor get together after a particularly grueling conversation with Amy. Amy isn't who she seems to be. This is quite fluffy in general, with the occasional plot twist to keep you on your feet. River and Amy bashing, my soul has been split apart writing this. but i did it anyway.
1. Chapter 1

Rory 11

Okay, I'm finally putting up this story. I wrote it a while ago, it does contain a bit of River and Amy bashing but I do love them. The bashing was necessary for this fic to work though. Slight spoilers for Dinosaurs on a Spaceship. A really good song that I quoted a bit and just love to bits and inspired the first paragraph is Mr. Pond by Chameleon Circuit. One of the best songs everrrrr! This is pretty hard to write after seeing the Power of 3, and bashing Amy hurt my soul. I swear I just created a Horcrux simply by writing this.

Ever since Amy came into Rory's life, it's always been her. No one else has ever captured Rory's attention. In fact, the majority of the time he spent with Amy was Doctor-related. He had always hated the Doctor. Amy acted as though he was the first man in her life.

The Doctor never appreciated Rory. It always seemed like Rory had stupid ideas, a stupid face, a stupidly long nose. This had never mattered to him, he had a beautiful wife, and overly complicated daughter, and a shiny red convertible. Rory had been heart-broken, learning how Amy no longer gave a damn about him. They had had a perfect life, why would she do that?

The wedding of Rory and Amy had been the best day of his life. Now he remembered it bitterly. Yes Amy had wept and said she had given him up. It hurt him all the same. Finally, Rory had quit the relationship. Amy just didn't love him enough. She had broken him too many times. Eventually the kicked puppy had to bite. The last few days, Amy had been fighting with him, but he just didn't have the spirit to fight back. He honestly just didn't care anymore. He had told her one night, that she couldn't continue idolizing the Doctor, and she just couldn't give the Doctor up.

He had booked the appointment with the lawyer for their divorce that afternoon, when his dad had come over to fix the light bulb. Once again, Rory felt inadequate. Even through the whole events of the Silurian spaceship, he had felt he was not enough. Not until he had fixed his father's shoulder with his emergency first aid kit. Yes, at least his father had appreciated it. And then again, when Rory had had that genius idea. Rory could honestly say kissing the Doctor was different.

Rory had only ever had one relationship, and in that one he had been underappreciated and taken advantage of on a daily basis. It hadn't felt like any other kiss with Amy when the Doctor had kissed him. Yes, it had been short and sweet, but he actually felt like he mattered. The Doctor had that effect on people. He made everyone feel brilliant.

After realizing how much that one kiss had actually affected Rory, he did some deep thinking. After all this time with Amy, was he really a homosexual? Was their relationship a lie? Was Amy actually right way back when they were teens and she said he was gay?

Once the Doctor had dropped Amy and Rory off at home from the Silurian ship, Rory felt his absence. 5 minutes, and he was already missing the Doctor. He checked the time on the microwave. It said 2:45pm.

"Amy we missed our appointment with the lawyer. I'm going to go call him back." Rory told her in a blank voice.

She nodded and went to go out into the garden, bringing with her a bar of dark chocolate and a bottle of wine. After knowing Amy for so long, he knew that that meant she was really upset, and willing to give up.

Rory went to the phone to go rebook the appointment. On his way there he saw a few letter from his dad in the mail. There were pictures of him all over the world, and Siluria. Rory couldn't help but feel jealous. Looking around, he wrote a letter addressed to the Doctor.

_Doctor._

_It's Rory. Pick me up at the hospital at 4pm today. Amy and I are over. For good. It's not her fault but mine. I can't do this anymore. She broke me. I need you Doctor._

_Rory Williams_

Meanwhile the Doctor just came back from Siluria with Brian. He had been feeling rather melancholy without Rory around. Rory was the only person, other than Jack, to understand what it meant to live this long. Brian Pond had been very handy to have around, but the Doctor needed his nurse. Yes Amy made him feel younger, but it felt as though he was just avoiding the inevitable. The Doctor jumped as the TARDIS pinged with an incoming message. A letter flew out of a slot into his face. He really wasn't looking for a distraction just then; he wanted to be with someone who just… understood. Nevertheless, the Doctor read the letter. He read it with a sly smile, knowing this was what he had been waiting for.

"Doctor?" Brian asked. "My bones are getting a bit stiff; I think I'm too old for this. I'm truly sorry, but I need to be dropped off. But really, feel free to drop by whenever for some tea, or golf!"

The Doctor smiled sadly. "Don't worry Brian. This happens quite often. Besides," he said brightening, "I'm off to see Rory right now! I'll replace a Pond with a Pond!"

"I'm not a Pond, Doctor," Brian grumbled jokingly.

"Well neither is Rory!" The Doctor said, jumping around the console steering them towards the Leadworth hospital. "Well Brian," he sighed as the TARDIS stopped moving, "Home sweet home. It was nice having you! You humans are all so brilliant! I'll see you around Mr. Williams. That's a promise." They both walked out the TARDIS to be greeted by Rory standing outside the little shop.

"Hey dad. I finally got that light bulb working." Even though he hadn't, Rory honestly didn't care. He was happy to see his dad safe and sound, thought in Rory's timeline he'd only been gone for a few hours.

Brian laughed. "Oh sure you did, son." The Doctor and Rory laughed along with him, Brian was a naturally charismatic person, rather similar to the Doctor. Rory had learned that if someone made a joke at your expense, why should you give adman? Laughing it off was the best solution. Brian soon after departed, with a his pockets full of knick knacks from all around the world and Siluria. Rory and the Doctor went back inside the TARDIS.

"I got your letter Rory."The Doctor mentioned. "It's a right shame you two split up, but I can see the reasons behind it. It was so oddly matched and uneven that I thought it just might work… and it did! You had River, a house, a car, a wedding, adventures, and Amy grew old." He paused. "Though most of those things really shouldn't have happened. I'm so sorry Rory. It was my fault." and to the Doctor, it felt as though it were his fault.

"It can't always be your fault Doctor. Besides, I'm gay. Yeah, you've lived a while… so have I. loner, even. I remember everything, stayed loyal to my best friend, yeah, but to protect her I had to fight, to kill, and to make really really hard choices. But it was _worth_ it. I saw innocent people killed, by result of the choices I made; I still see their faces every time I close my eyes. And Amy just can't understand that. But you can, and you do. We both just keep going. Amy's probably the only reason why we both aren't completely mad. But you know what, the best people are bonkers. She made us younger, gave us that sense of wonder, discovery, imagination. But we can't always keep that up. We have to remember, but we can't dwell." Rory sat down on the stairs in the console room. The Doctor sat beside him, wrapping his arm around Rory's shoulders.

"You know, sometimes I forget Rory, that you do understand. You understand the raw fear of when you can't quite remember someone's face from ages ago. That you know exactly what I'm going through. You get me. No other companion has done that. Ever." The Doctor got up and took Rory's hand. "Come with me." He whispered, and led them through the TARDIS, weaving around the hallways, going through doorways only to find more hallways. Finally, they came to a dark ebony door with the number 11 on it. "This is my greatest fear, Rory."

Inside the door there stood a bronze statue glorifying the doctor, with dead bodies surrounding him. Beside the statue stood another one of Rory, turned away from the Doctor's statue in complete shame and disgust.

"I would never do that to you, Doctor. It's entirely against my nature. But I always thought River would be in this room…" Rory trailed off, afraid of the answer.

"You saw me marry your daughter Rory. You saw me flirt with her. But I'm actually quite far in our timeline now, and we're the best of friends. That's all. I've been her mentor, her tutor, her friend, and I've posed as her husband or boyfriend if anyone is bothering her. But she's too young for me Rory… and, er, I'm a bit… well… flamboyant. And as gay as the fourth of July pink fireworks on New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York." The Doctor blushed.

To stop the oncoming awkward silence, Rory decided to just go for it. He kissed the Doctor. Passionately. Arms were flailing and gravity went a bit wibbly as they both fell to the blue carpeting.

"I've only ever been in one relationship, Doctor, and already this is better."

O0o0o0o0o0o

Yup. I ship it.


	2. Chapter 2

Rory/11

So I've noticed lately that you nerdlings love your ships more than anything, so I'm adding another chapter to this fic. It isn't as great as the first chapter, but elmorox35 convinced me to upload. And if you don't know what a SegWay is, look it up. They're awesome.

One month later the Doctor had a surprise gift for Rory for their monthaversary. Well, technically it had just been 30 sleeps, seeing as time was wibbly in the TARDIS. And when sleep is mentioned, both somewhat immortal men didn't enjoy sleep (nightmares) so they often skipped a few nights rest then went to bed in the other's arms. They both still had nightmares and would tell the other about them.

During the course of the relationship, they had gone adventuring. They had visited Siluria to meet Tricey's baby, and the Doctor had actually fixed the translation circuit so that Rory could finally talk to animals and babies alike. Rory soon found out animals hate him. It was because they couldn't figure out his hair color: red or brown? For some reason, the Doctor thought it would be a great idea to go SegWay riding in Paris, (his idea of romantic) not taking into account that they were the clumsiest couple EVER. That resulted in a bunch of angry French people, and the TARDIS took the liberty of not translating. Turns out, French people don't like it when you crash into a famous bakery. River had also dropped in for a bit, and they had gone out to Metachloron 5 to watch a bipolar eclipse. The eclipse had occurred between two moons and suns, one eclipse visible on either pole of the planet.

The day of their somewhat monthaversary, the couple had avoided each other, and then had finally met up in the kitchen for dinner. The two didn't actually eat a proper meal, much preferring a handful of jelly beans to tide them over until watching a movie and eating more junk food. The Doctor, in all his wisdom, tossed Rory a key, which of course, Rory fumbled and dropped. "Oh Roranicus Pondicus," his eyes twinkling, "How were you ever a Roman? How many people did you almost behead in training? Honestly, you're clutzier than a Dalek riding a tricycle!" The Doctor laughed, and ruffled Rory's hair. "So the key's the first half of you gift, head's up."

Rory had given the Doctor a set of silk pyjamas styled exactly as his normal attire, Dalek Caan only knew where he had found them. Alongside the sleepwear stood a magnificent red fuzzy fez. The Doctor jumped from his seat at the table, knocking it over, too excited to care. "A fuzzy fez!" the Doctor exclaimed. "You got me a fuzzy fez! Fuzzy fez fuzzy fez fuzzy fez fuzzy fez fuzzy fez fuzzy fez fuzzy fez-" Rory cut the Doctor off with a quick kiss. "Ooh, my teeth are buzzing from all ze Zs! Right, getting side tracked. Sorry. At least I don't have a one-tracked mind like Jack! Oh, Jack! Haven't seen him in ages! Captain Innuendo, was his nickname, and the Face of Boe! That was a shocker! Oh," the Doctor frowned. "He and Riddel should never EVER meet. The walking innuendo meets the captain of the innuendo squad? Oh my Caan, that would be very not good." He paused, wiping a tear from his eye. "Ah, right, yes. Thank you Ruru. Actually no. That's a rubbish nickname. Never let me call you that again. Ever." The Doctor pecked Rory on the cheek, grabbing his hand. "I'm going to show you what that key opens up!"

Rory smiled, noticing how excited the Doctor was, and how much effort he was putting in not to ruin the moment by talking about… well, actually that's a lie. It was just impossible to get the Doctor to shut up… unless you kiss him. In the hallway outside the kitchen stood a new door. Rory unlocked it with his key, and found a beautiful room with everything Rory ever could love. Rory gasped in delight and ruffled the Doctor's hair. "This is too much, you buffoon," Though the chastisement was ruined by Rory's huge grin.

There were photos of him and the Doctor everywhere; the walls were made of paneled oak, giving it sort of a professor's office type feel, but with plush TARDIS blue carpeting. The carpet was sure to be a nicer landing for when the two men tripped and fell over their own two feet… which happened like constantly. Bookshelves were filled with medical journals as well as a few scrapbooks; the more well worn books were much loved by the Doctor, and were probably a century or two old. It included all the classics, Agatha Christie, Shakespeare, Raul Dahl, J K Rowling, JRR Tolkien, and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, to name a few. There was an entire bookcase filled with Gallifreyan books and other alien literature, but that wasn't all. The ceiling had blue and gold swirls carved into it, reminiscent of Van Gogh's work. A chess table along with a desk with a laptop was right beside a warm red-brick fireplace. There was a section with comfy-looking chairs and couches, perfect for snuggly night drinking tea in from of the fire. There were bit and bobs everywhere from their adventures, littering the bookshelves and tables. The bed seemed military in style, sheets folded perfectly and not overly large; it could fit them both if they were spooning. The Doctor had created a perfect eclectic flat for him and Rory, knowing that Rory had simple needs and didn't need to be impressed or overwhelmed by the TARDIS.

Rory, really excited, said, "Let's play chess!" Yes, that was Rory's idea of super fun times. Now the average chess game doesn't take all too long, but when you have two bickering old men playing, it's bound to take a while. The chess pieces were made of the dust of the Medusa Cascade, making it look as though the two ancient beings were playing with the universe, which they basically did on a daily basis. They flirted and bantered and complained. The Doctor always tried to establish a secret mind link, not the easiest thing to do when Rory is very aware of what goes on in his brain. The Doctor always projected his thoughts by making certain facial expressions, by now Rory had them memorized. The game lasted about two hours, after Rory had made one move and the Doctor gave up after going through every variable in his head. Rory was a grandmaster at chess, he was great at strategy, and he had a few hundred years of experience on the Doctor.

They had gone to the comfy chairs by the fireplace, the Doctor curling up like a cat with his head resting on Rory's lap. Rory was sipping tea, and playing with the Doctor's hair. The Doctor's scalp was rather sensitive, and he loved it when it was stroked. It was funny how similar the Doctor and cats were. They both curl up, love to be petted, and do crazy shit at night in which you question their sanity. They also both have wise eyes, and can be surprisingly patient. They complain to no end when doors are closed and they're not allowed in, and they keep their appearances. They hide their injuries, and crave attention.

The Doctor entered Rory's mind casually, and they shared each other's pain, a daily ritual. Afterwards though, they'd always show each other their happiest moments of their life, and their day.

0o0o0o0o0o0

Yep, I dunno where to go from here… let's just say they had wild passionate sex including a mind link to make everthing more intimate…..


	3. Chapter 3: Of Cats and Kettles

Rory/11

This is for elmorox35 because she's pushy and won't stop bugging me about this story. So this story is not officially a multi-chapter fic. Updates will be sporadic because I'm mainly working on my HP/DW crossover fic: The True Story of Hermione Granger.

Of Cats and Kettles

Where we left off: basically it was their monthaversary, the Doctor was being all cat like, and I described a room. This chapter actually has a bit of plot, and a bit of fluff, as usual.

0o0o0o

Rory woke up suddenly, stretching and rubbing his eyes. The Doctor lay beside him curled up into a ball at the bottom of the bed. It was pretty cute; sometimes Rory thought Time Lords were originally felines. Rory stroked the Doctor's hair, the Time Lord's eyes scrunching up.

"I don't wanna wake up." He pouted childishly, refusing to open his eyes. Rory continued stroking his hair.

"If you don't wake up Mr. Frowny Face, you won't get to hear me sing in the shower." Rory always sang in the shower, even though he sounded bloody awful. The Doctor found it rather amusing, and had recorded it a few times.

The Doctor's frown deepened. He opened his eyes, sat up and crossed his arms. "Don't treat me like a little kid." The seriousness was ruined by his pronounced pout. He heaved a great dramatic sigh, agonizingly slowly crawling out of bed, pausing once to stretch his back like a cat. He unfortunately wasn't paying attention to his surroundings and landed face first on the floor. He stood up quickly, straightening his bowtie and rubbing his nose. He now had a bright red nose from the carpet. "Good Gallifrey am I glad we have carpets!" He stated, without shame.

Rory chuckled, looking at the now hyper Time Lord. He rolled back under the covers. "Go back to bed," he said, his voice muffled by the covers. The Doctor took this as an invitation to start jumping on the bed. Since the bed itself was rather small, Rory was thoroughly disturbed.

"Oh, piss off." Rory said, and then finally sat back up. He reached towards the Doctor, and ended up piggy backing him. "To the kitchen, my noble steed!" Rory ordered, pointing towards the door.

This really wasn't out of the ordinary for Rory and the Doctor. They were rather bipolar, either gloomy and depressed or complete buffoons, with the total maturity level of a three year old, who laughs because they pushed a tower of blocks over. Actually, now that towers are mentioned, Rory did once trip out of the TARDIS into the largest card tower ever made. It was the TARDIS's idea of a joke.

The kettle was already boiled when they went into the kitchen. Rory unmounted the Doctor, and prepared the tea. Unsurprisingly, all the Doctor would ever eat for breakfast was Lucky Charms, and in the Doctor's mind, any hour was breakfast time, which was sort of true, if you think about it from a non-linear non subjective viewpoint. It was no wonder he was so bouncy during the day. Rory left the kitchen, getting his hand caught in the tea kettle cord which resulted in an angry red burn on his overly large nose, giving him the appearance of Rudolf.

"Hey Rory," the Doctor exclaimed, "We match now!" The Doctor was laughing so hard he was no longer making any sounds, just clapping like a retarded seal. Rory rolled his eyes and picked up the broken pieces of his tea cup.

"Rest in peace, teacup." He stated solemnly. "We will remember you."

Just then, the TARDIS went beserk. Gravity literally ceased to exist for a few moments, until it recalibrated… upside down. The rest of the tea cup shards fell to the ceiling, narrowly missing the baffled Doctor and the exasperated roman. As if to spite Rory, one ceramic shard grazed his nose.

Rory huffed. "Really?" he stated, frustrated with his life in general. It was just one of those sorts of mornings.

His face was hilarious, in the Doctor's opinion, who promptly began to chuckle, which led on to another full on laugh attack.

"Shut up stupid face." The Doctor fell silent, looking across the kitchen at the red head, which apparently just popped into existence. "Now why the hell am I here raggedy man?"

The two men looked at each other, unsure of how the other would react. Amy seemed rather cross, which was never a good sign. Her boys were about to enter a world of pain. Well, they weren't really _her_ boys anymore, but she was still going to treat them as such. "So what've you been up to then?"

Rory shook his head no, not wanting the Doctor to tell Amy that they were a couple. "Oh… erm.. well, this and that… and um, stuff…. And errr… boy stuff," he blushed, pulling his ear awkwardly. "Heh… uh… you would understand." Rory face palmed. The Doctor was a horrible liar. Could he be any more obvious?

Amy looked between the two of them. "Oh tell me you're not… nooo" she gasped, "You mean I was right?!" She looked at them with disbelief, her hands on her hips.

The Doctor looked confused. Rory sighed, "Um, yeaah…" Amy giggled and clapped her hands, squealing.

"Oh this is exactly what I imagined! Though… I was there too…" she paused, looking at the now red Doctor and Rory who was looking anywhere but at her. "Um… has it occurred to you guys yet that you're father in law and son in law?"

"Well has it occurred to you that River and the Doctor have never and will never be in a relationship like that because he's, and I quote, 'gayer than the fourth of July pink fireworks on New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York'?" Rory bit back defensively.

"But what about you Rory? You're track record isn't the best for gay relationships…" Amy trailed off suggestively.

"Well I'm currently in the best relationship ever," the Doctor looked over at him and smiled, happy tears in his eyes, "I have no regrets, it's a boat load of fun, there's no pressure, I get to see my daughter all the time, and the Doctor," he smiled at the name, "Is actually closer to my age!" Rory grinned, walking over to the Doctor, grabbing his hand.

Amy got tears in her eyes, though they didn't seem to be happy tears. "That's so sweet Rory," she smiled sadly. She was now completely aware that they were never ever **ever** getting back together… Unless she made a pre-emptive strike before they kicked her out. "Now someone want to explain how I popped in here? Well, I say popped, but it was really rather like being sucked through a too-small tube, being turned inside out, and your organs rearranging. I'd definitely take the TARDIS travel over what the hell I just did, ANY day." She complained.

The Doctor looked awkwardly over at Rory, who was also feeling rather uncomfortable. They both didn't want Amy on the TARDIS; it was just asking for trouble.

"So let's fix the TARDIS and get you back to Leadworth, Amy." The Doctor said enthusiastically, knowing the sooner he worked the faster she'd leave, the more time he'd have alone with Rory. He promptly left the kitchen, running away from the awkward situation, leaving Rory to fend for himself.

Amy felt very alone in that moment. She grinned wickedly, as a plan started to form in her head. She flipped her hair, and walked nonchalantly towards Rory. In Rory's eyes, it looked as though she were prowling towards him. He casually walked to the upside down fridge, noticing the food was still abiding by the usual laws of gravity and weren't lying down on the ceiling. He took out a gingerade. (The Doctor's concoction/invention… some sort of combination of ginger, lemonade, and possibly Gatorade… either way, in Rory's opinion it tasted fantastic. Sweet, salty, spicy, and definitely an energy boost.)

"I'm going to go check up on the Doctor." Rory stated, not showing any emotion. He casually walked out of the kitchen and as soon as he hit the hallway (which was also upside down) he ran like a bat out of hell. There was no way he'd be trapped with his lonely slutty ex-wife (who was probably seeing some pretty boy right now like Dave or something) one minute longer.

He entered the console room seeing the Doctor in his wire swing under the console. Apparently the gravity was normal here. He was holding a multitude of wires and had goggles on. His eyebrows appeared singed, and his bowtie was askew; he had taken off his tweed jacket. He looked so at peace in that moment. Rory felt an urge to ruffle his hair and kiss him passionately, but resisted for the moment. Rory looked at him fondly; his little mechanic. The Doctor looked up from the conglomeration of wires in his hand. "Hello Roranicus," he smiled. "How's the Scot doing?" he said, grimacing slightly.

Rory bounded over to him and kissed him hard, gripping the Doctor's head in his hands, his fingers burying them in his luscious hair. "I am never leaving you, Doctor." Rory said firmly, not giving him an option. Little did they know, Amy was standing in the doorway, staring murderously at them. If she couldn't have one of them, no one could.

0o0o0o

And on that note, I leave you. Gimme your opinion, I don't really know where to go from here but whatever, I'll just force myself to write, it usually works. Who else wants to try a gingerade? I know I do. Another awesome combination that I made up is English muffins, with peanut butter and parmesan cheese. Its honestly delicious.

What strange combinations of food do you like? (aka write me a review, because I have no life and need them to continue existing… lol not really, I'm being melodramatic.)


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I would say I'm sorry for the cliff hanger, but I'm not. Feel free to call me a troll. I borrowed a bit of this from Donna's first episode, basically because I'm an unoriginal mofo. AND OMG GUYS I MADE A SASSY GAY DOCTOR! ARENT YOU PROUD? My twitter: TheTimeTeen and my Tumblr is: Bilbo10nantJubes**

**Has anyone else realized that the 11****th**** Doctor has kissed Amy, Rory AND River? That little slut, GOOD FOR HIM!**

**O0o0o**

_What happened last chapter: Basically, Amy appeared in the TARDIS, gravity went wibbly, the Doctor and Rory kissed while Amy lurked in a doorway with a murderous expression. (or something like that)_

Amy was in a rage.

She left quietly, intent on following her master's orders. He had entered her mind, weeks ago, describing what Rory and the Doctor were up to. This caused the ginger to feel as angry as a scot could be. Her master had placed insidious thoughts inside her head, and promised to reward her if she killed either/both Rory and/or the Doctor. He had sent her to go across Scotland, a known magical place, finding artron energy in strange items… a stray shoe horn, for example. As everyone knows, when one has a buildup of artron energy and becomes highly emotional, one may apparate onto the TARDIS.

She had grown to respect the voice in her head, even love him. Besides, it meant she was never alone. She always knew she wasn't completely sane… it was why her and Mels got along so well. She had voices in her head, had 4 psychologists (though that was mainly due to the Doctor) and saw things that weren't there (excluding Prisoner Zero) and too many hallucinations to count (not including the Dream Lord). She usually blamed her hallucinations on living beside a crack in the universe, but that had been fixed and she still heard voices. Well, one voice. One deep, entrancing, powerful hypnotic voice. Her Master.

Her Master told her to do bad things, to submit to him. He gave her the utmost attention, and love. She thought nothing of when he had tortured her for doing something wrong; after all, she deserved it.

She really was a great asset. She knew private things about the Doctor and Rory and could easily destroy them; they had trusted her with valuable information. Unfortunately, it seemed as though River were trying to stop her from hurting the Doctor and Rory. Amy had even gone so far as to spread a few nasty rumours in UNIT, but the Doctor was well loved there thanks to Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart's relations and River's hallucinogenic lipstick.

Her beloved Master had punished her for that pitiful plan. Lockily though, her Master in all his wisdom, continued to talk to her, guiding her. He really was compassionate.

0o0o0o0

MEANWHILE WITH THE GAY COUPLE

Rory had ended up on the Doctor's lap. He grinned. "So Rory the Roman, I suppose the ginger's a nightmare as usual."

The Roman in question grimaced. "You try dealing with a completely bonkers ex-wife who may still have the hots for you, then talk to me." He complained.

"Well have you met River?" the Doctor retorted. "She's definitely a bit batty… though I suppose so am I. All I know is that if I were straight I'd totally bang her." The Doctor blushed and coughed. "Er, with express permission from her father first…" he rubbed the back of his neck, feeling uncomfortable. "Well you've got to admit she is rather fabulous and has a great sense of style. Eclectic, yet fashionable. Good Gallifrey, and how does her hair stay that way?" he said, gesturing around his head mimicking River's voluminous hair. "I'd love to know what products she uses. I've definitely detected honey, lavender and thyme in her hair. Though she really doesn't appreciate the fabulous hats I pick up… and she's rather harsh about the bowtie. My wardrobe is a travesty, really." The Doctor pouted adorably.

Rory brushed back the Doctor's hair. "I'm sure River knows you couldn't properly be with her… you're rather overt about your gaiety."

The Doctor grinned. "Actually, I'm overt about everything except what's important and private. I hide it from myself, and from others… because it just kills me all the not very good stuff I've had to do. But with you, I let you know everything. You know so much and could destroy me completely and utterly with only a few words, yet I know you'd never do that. I've come to the conclusion that you love me as much as I love you. It's the only solution. I've given you my life and soul, they're in your hands, and you guard them fiercely. You could have told Amy anything, but instead you told her the truth, putting confidence in our relationship, and you saved me from having to deal with another heartbroken companion." He sighed, looking weathered, "I know that sounds cruel, but there it is. It hurts me so much to do it."

Rory stood up with the Doctor, and hugged him tightly, offering the perfect comfort. "Don't worry about a thing, Doctor. Everything's going to be alright."

The Doctor immediately relaxed, as though the galaxy had been taken off of his shoulders. "I love you, Rory Williams." He said, gazing deeply into Rory's green flecked brown eyes. "I don't deserve you, and I thank kmy lucky stars the Universe can't permanently take you away from me."

"I have the lucky habit of always coming back." Rory said. "And I'll always come back to you, no matter what happens."

If only they knew.


	5. Monsters and Movies

Movies and Monsters

Chapter 5

A/N: hey everybody, I love all the reviews I'm getting! (and if you're going to review, please add some constructive criticism or comment on some plot development…. It's kind of annoying when you get a review that says 'great! Keep smiling!' now, I don't need to point people out, but if you're going to review, put some sort of thought into it so I can respond and we can become best friends. Because that is what will happen. Basically.) Sorry about this chapter's cliff hanger. Actually, I'm really not sorry.

0o0o0

What happened last chapter: amy had some evil thoughts and rory and the doctor had a touching moment

BACK TO THE CHAPTER

TO THE EVIL GINGER

Amy's next plan was rather simple. Really, it was predictable and her master thought she was being dim on purpose. Of course, he hadn't yet punished her for the doomed plot; he wanted to wait until it crashed and burned so that his torture would have that much more of an effect. He loved it when she screamed out, begging for mercy, wanting everything to end. Just before she would give up the will to live, he'd stop torturing her as though it were a gift, a privilege, and she was always ever so thankful.

Her master had been growing stronger every day. He let her see visions of the future if she succeeded. He knew within the next few days he would come to full power, what with all the energy surrounding Amy it was almost guaranteed he'd soon be able to completely possess her, in every sense of the word.

Anyway, back to Amy's evil agenda. She was going to invite Rory and the Doctor to watch a sappy chick flick with her; they would always cry before her. _I guess that should've been my first clue they were gay._ Amy thought to herself. She would poison the Doctor's drink with aspirin; apparently he was severely allergic to. The voice in her head certainly knew a lot about Time Lord physiology. Not that that was suspicious or anything.

0o0o0o

TO THE GAY COUPLE WHO JUST HAD A ROMANTIC SCENE THAT I TEARED UP WRITING

Rory sighed, "We should probably check up on Amy before something goes wrong as if often does." He said, as though it were inevitable.

The Doctor's face fell. "I **hate** being responsible." He pouted.

Just then, Amy skipped innocently into the room. "Hey guys, wanna watch a movie? The movie room isn't upside down… but my room is. I want to watch 'The Blind Side', I heard it was pretty good. It had Sandra Bullock in it."

The Doctor immediately shook his head. "Too American football-y. We could always watch 'What Not To Wear'? Though I rarely agree with it. It once said that tweed was no longer cool, and then five episodes later they said it was avant-garde. We should watch something… timey-wimey."

"So like the Time Travelers Wife?" Rory suggested.

The Doctor's lip curled in disgust. "Roranicus, please. That's way too similar to me and River, and it just makes me rather uncomfortable."

"So what about that one movie… with the guy who's writing a book and travels back in time in Paris when it was more romantic?" Rory offered. "What was it called?"

"Midnight in Paris," Amy answered. "And no, how about Shakespeare in Love?"

"I heard it was decent." Rory said.

"No way," the Doctor said firmly, shaking his head vigorously. "I met Shakespeare. That entire plot was inaccurate because ol' Will was a huge flirt, and quit the player… he even made a sonnet for one of my companions. But what about Back to the Future?"

"But I want a romantic movie!" complained Amy.

"Star Trek." Rory proposed. "The Wrath of Khan, and The Search for Spock." He was greeted with incredulous stares. "What? Star Trek has romance, and Spock went to that planet where time was wacky, and you get to see the relationships between Bones and Spock and Spock and Kirk. As far as romance goes, well, Captain Kirk. Enough said."

Amy sighed. "You boys and your sci-fi." Secretly, she thought this was great. They'd be so distracted by the plot and each other, the Doctor wouldn't realize he was poisoned, and even if he did, he wouldn't want to alert Rory to that fact.

Rory meanwhile, didn't like the devious smirk on Amy's face. She was up to something, and it didn't seem good. It seemed very very not good actually. Rory had never seen that intensity of hatred on Amy's face. Ever. It quite honestly scared the living daylights out of him. Amy was definitely different, and Rory was terrified.

Amy went away to go make popcorn.

The Doctor leaned against Rory, "So Roranicus, if I were on Star Trek, who would I be?"

Rory smiled. "Scotty, probably, because he always complains but then does the job twice as fast and he's a genius. He saves people consistently in the background, and never asks for recognition." The Doctor smiled at that.

"Well I think Amy would be Captain Kirk, bossing everyone around and flirting with anyone who comes her way, including that time when she flirted with herself." The Doctor shuddered. "That was scary. You'd definitely be the guy in the red shirt that always dies. Or maybe Bones, because you are actually trained medically, and he saves lives. He's also friendly and loyal, and awkwardly attractive, just like you." The Doctor announced, tapping Rory's overly large nose.

"Er, thanks. Oh, we should've suggested Harry Potter instead! We could annoy the hell out of Amy by quoting it in sync!" Rory sighed, reminiscing the time when he had unintentionally quoted Harry Potter and the Doctor responded with the next quote and they did that for 3 ½ hours straight.

They had also debated which Hogwarts house was the best, and which one they'd fit into. They had finally agreed that Hufflepuff house was the best, because they had the best quality which is rare but amazing, but usually overlooked; loyalty. It was one of the qualities the Doctor loved and respected the most about humankind. Every companion the Doctor ever had had had exceeding amounts of loyalty, the prime example being the boy who waited over 2000 years. They both couldn't really decide which house they were in; Rory could either be Hufflepuff or Gryffindor, whereas the Doctor was a conglomeration of every house.

"You know, I don't think I could be sorted, seeing as I'm too old anyway. Like Gandalf."

"But Dumbledore was Gryffindor, and the actor plays both of them." Rory argued. "Though I suppose he could be Slytherin, Hufflepuff, or Ravenclaw as well seeing as he's loyal, cunning, and clever. Though rather bad planning on his part as far as who the Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher is."

"But I'm Merlin! I travelled way back, before Hogwarts was even created!"

Rory snorted. "Liar."

The Doctor grinned. "Okay, you got me. Merlin did exist, but the whole magic thing was just advanced medicines. I just bull shitted that, I'm not gonna lie. But I did save the dragon from being slayed since it was the last of its kind and was severely misunderstood."

"That sounds more like you." Rory said, ruffling his partner's hair.

"Shut up, you Hufflepuff, go find someone else to tease." The Doctor flirted back.

Rory perked his ears, becoming more alert, grasping the sword he kept on his person at all times. "Um, you're not gonna believe this…" Rory trailed off. "I hear… rain?"

The Time Lord swore in Gallifreyan. "First the wibbly gravity, now random bouts of precipitation? I swear this was on a test in Gallifrey… too bad I failed. But I think the TARDIS is trying to warn me something… Good ol' Sexy." He whispered to the console, stroking a keyboard.

The monitor popped up, showing diagnostic scans of everyone on board. Rory seemed a bit… well, strange, but that was easily overlooked compared to Amelia.

It seemed as though… Amy were….. pregnant.

Fuck.

The Doctor swore loudly again, turning back to look at Rory.

"Oh this is very very not good, Roranicus, very very not good."


	6. Chapter 6

Oh god, you guys are still following this fic making me feel guilty about not updating… I had to reread the other chapters, because I was so distracted…. I mean tumblr and other fanfictions… but wow, I swear you guys have the best reactions to this specific fic. Hm, I suppose it's more canon than oh… maybe Sméagol and Smaug? (Yes I wrote that, and yes that fic is adorable)

Without further ado, I suppose I'll begin writing… and I'll even look it over to watch for spelling mistakes.

O0o0o0

Where we left off:

Amy's pregnant and talking to a voice in her head… and that's about it. And they were about to watch Star Trek when Rory heard rain and the Doctor was like, yo this is an issue so they dashed to the console room.

00o000o

"I just found out something very VERY not good," the Doctor said, a pained expression on his face and fear in his eyes.

Rory rushed over and hugged him. He knew the Doctor craved physical contact when he was troubled. "What is it?" Rory murmured.

The Doctor broke away from the hug, nervously fiddling with the hem of his tweed jacket. Rory looked momentarily heartbroken at the loss of contact, but hid it behind an understanding expression. He knew the Doctor didn't mean to be hurtful. "I don't _understand_ Rory. How could this happen? I don't think this is a past Amy with River… she seems to have the proper memories but… Why? She's kind of not being her—"

"Speak of the devil," Rory said in an undertone, a hint of foreshadowing in his voice. The Doctor shuddered. It was quite possible; after all, that Amy _was _being possessed by the devil himself. He narrowed his eyes as the scanner picked up traces of aspirin in the popcorn.

Amy walked into the console room, her face lighting up when she saw them. She had a bright yellow innocent looking bowl filled with extra buttery popcorn. "Oh there you two are, I was wondering where you wandered off to." She smiled pleasantly, her eyes narrowing menacingly, a bizarre mix of facial expressions to be sure.

The Doctor's face remained impassive. "Amelia, we're going to skip the movie tonight. I'm running some tests on an experiment and Rory still needs to…um—"

"-start writing my memoir," Rory cut in. "I'd like to organize my memories out on paper." He claimed, going along with the Doctor's excuse.

Amy frowned and addressed the Doctor. "You only call me Amelia when you're worried."

"Yeah, well, I need to know how you got here." The time lord justified.

"Then why don't I help you or Rory?" she demanded, looking pointedly at both of them. "Fine, then. I know when I'm not wanted." She huffed. "Here's your stupid popcorn," she left it and stormed out.

Rory whistled. "She's a piece of work."

"She's _your_ wife," the time lord pointed out.

"And _your_ mother in law."

"Touché."

They both sat down on the console room floor, fed up with dealing with the ginger. Rory laughed tiredly. "It hasn't even been a day."

The Doctor rested his head on Rory's shoulder, wrapping his arms around his human's waist, like one would a teddy bear.

"Rory?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't trust her. And neither does the TARDIS."

"That makes three of us then."

She's scary."

Rory frowned. "Yeah… she's definitely not herself."

"But she's _human_," the Doctor sighed, frustrated. "Not Nestene Consciousness, not a Flesh, not an Auton… and I doubt the Silence hypnotized her…" she trailed off.

"Any other arch-enemies?" Rory asked curiously.

"Oh, over a dozen more," the Doctor shuddered. "But if so, we have a boat load of issues in the near future that I don't want to think about."

Rory wrapped his arm around the Doctor, falling into a comfortable, albeit worried, silence. After a bit, the Doctor's eyes closed. Rory picked him up and walked to their little flat on board the TARDIS. Luckily the sentient machine made the first door their room, helping Rory's journey become shorter.

Rory put the Doctor down onto the bed, the time lord instinctually curling in on himself like a cat. Smiling, Rory lay down beside the sleepy Doctor, the lights automatically dimming. His not-yet started memoir could wait until his next near-death experience.

0o00

The TARDIS was getting angry. Amy had gone to her bedroom and thrown things about the room in anger. Finally, the TARDIS had enough. She flipped the gravity, then 90o more, causing all of the things Amy had thrown around to hit her.

If the TARDIS could look smug, she would.

Amy's anger turned to fear as she felt her Master's fury.

"No, please, it wasn't my fault!" she begged.

She shuddered as she felt the Master laugh menacingly.

"It's too late little Amelia Pond," the Master cooed happily.

Amy panicked as she became aware of her loss of control over her own body. "No, please! You'd said that we would share the world together!"

The Master's harsh laugh cut her to the core. She was mentally gagged and her consciousness was pushed to the corner of her own mind. The Master had full control, total domination. Amy could barely think with all the space he was taking, almost squishing her out entirely.

Cracking his (well, her) neck, the Master grinned. "Mm… not quote fully Time Lord yet… I'll have to stay in this pathetic wimp of a host a teensy bit longer. Amy," he instructed. "I'm giving you your body back, but," he warned in a warm, friendly tone, "If you say anything you'll be squashed like a bug. Got that?" the Master said harshly.

"Yes," Amy bit back, for the first time wishing this never happened to her.

"Yes, what?" the Master taunted, toying with her.

"Yes Master," she moaned under the psychic stress he put her under.

"Much more satisfactory," he replied pleasantly, his cerebral volume shrinking to a more manageable size, relinquishing his control over her body.

"Thank you, Master," Amy whispered, her voice filled with gratitude.

"Anytime, darlin'," he mocked. He liked humans. So fun to toy around with, humans were. Such unusual reactions they exhibited. It was as though they'd been created for slavery. Eheheehe ohohohoho ahahahah muahahahahahahahahHAAAAAA!

0oo000o0o

And that's the end of the chapter, sorry it's so short but I don't have a muse at the moment and I'm really just forcing myself to continue writing this after realizing I had left you for so long and for that I am so sorry, not that I think you really care how sorry I am, but it's great to know that still more people are following this, favouriting this and so forth. And really this author's not is just so that I can make this chapter have over 1000 words. There.


	7. Anytime can be our always

Chapter 7

Hey guys, see? I'm trying to update more! Anywho, this chapter is mostly 11/Rory fluff, no real plot action going on but I mean, they're adorable. And maybe a john green the fault in our stars reference?

On to the chapter!

00o0o0o

Rory rubbed his eyes blearily, smiling when he saw the Doctor's face inches from his own.

"Morning."

"Good morning, Roranicus."

They bumped noses. Rory closed his eyes and sighed. "We should go deal with Amy."

"Yeah, or we could stay in bed for the rest of the day."

"I love you."

The Doctor sighed contentedly. He really didn't want to tell the Roman…. Well, he supposed it might help.

"Rory?"

"Yeah?" he said, burrowing into the Doctor's shoulder. The time lord wrapped his arm around his human, stroking his upper arm. "Amy's pregnant… ish."

Rory sighed. "Tell me everything," he said tiredly, sitting up and crossing his legs. He noticed he was wearing pajamas. "I'm wearing pajamas?" he asked, mostly to himself.

"I thought you'd be more comfortable," the Doctor explained, sitting up and raking his fingers through his hair. "So, I never really told you what was wrong. Sorry. I was really just talking to myself, and I'm glad you didn't interrupt me…. So thanks for… well, just being you."

Rory smiled. "Anytime."

The Doctor snorted. "Really, Roranicus, really? 'Anytime'? Really? You seriously just said that. Ha! _Anytime._ Well, I suppose you're right; in the TARDIS everytime is anytime. So you're basically just saying 'Always.' … How very… Severus Snape of you."

Rory shrugged. "10 Points from Gryffindor. Well I guess my ginger was taken away from me… but I don't think I'm much of a dungeon bat, to be honest. You know, I'd always imagined Snape to have found someone else, but I guess we all can't have time lords randomly appear in our neighbour's backyard."

"Well maybe 'anytime' can be our 'always'."

Rory smiled, fiddling with the hem of his pajamas. "Anytime. It's sounds nice, doesn't it?" he asked, looking up at the Doctor.

The Doctor seized the moment and held Rory's face in his hands, joining their lips. Smiling, the Doctor opened his eyes, green eyes meeting green eyes. His eyes were so soft, gentle. How could anyone ever hurt such a sweet innocent face? Rory was such a beautiful person, loyal to till the end, friendly, loving, kind… just so wonderful. The Doctor felt lucky to have him, always and anytime.

They parted, lying back down in their bed. They lay on their sides, facing one another. "That pajama set is so ridiculous." Rory noted, looking at the pajama replica of the Doctor's regular wear, complete with bowtie and fez.

"Your nose is ridiculous," the Doctor retorted, tapping him on the nose.

"Your chin is ridiculous."

"Yeah? Well your Centurion garb is ridiculous!"

Your sonic screwdriver is ridiculous!"

"Your sword is ridiculous!"

"Ridiculously long and hard, yeah."

The Doctor flushed. "I thought we agreed my lightsaber is bigger than yours."

"It's not even a lightsaber, it's portable UV sunlight!"

"True. But lightsaber is shorter and cooler."

"So yours _is_ shorter!"

"Hey, that's not fair!"

"I win," Rory grinned.

The Doctor flopped on his back. "Lucky you. I suppose you'll have to claim your prize." He glanced over at him coyly.

"Oh, really?" Rory asked, quirking an eyebrow. "And what would that be?"

"I think it's fairly obvious." The Doctor winked.

"I don't know…"

"Guess."

"You?"

The Doctor rolled over on top of Rory, hovering over him. "Correct." He whispered, kissing him languidly, thrusting against him.

Rory groaned, quickly divesting the Doctor of his cotton jacket and shirt, leaving the bowtie and fez on him. Sliding his fingers across the planes of the Doctor's chest, he traced each individual muscle and the light trail of hair leading to his trousers.

0o0o

The Doctor was tracing random circles, probably Gallifreyan, on Rory's stomach, basking in the afterglow. Kissing him on the top of his head, he said, "We need to do that more often."

"Anytime," Rory smirked.

The time lord chuckled softly. "You're quite cheeky this morning, aren't you?"

"Always."

"So I still haven't told you about Amy."

"Moment=ruined."

"Sorry, but," the Doctor grew serious, "I don't actually think Amy is pregnant."

"Continue," Rory nodded.

"So I think that some entity inhabits her. A psychic probe or life form, or maybe she was infected with the spawn of something, but whatever it is; it's sentient, and talking to her. Maybe it's been feeding off her since she moved to Leadworth through the crack in her wall, maybe something she was infected with when she was with Mme Kovarian. I don't know."

Rory exhaled loudly. "Well, we have to do something. We can't remove it without hurting her, uless you have some sort of helpful 51st century technology. And I don't think you mentioned any when you showed me around the medical centre. Sending her back to Leadworth could exacerbate the problem due to her anger at being trapped there. We _could _… but that'd be wrong." Rory muttered the last sentence.

"What? Oh _Rory._ No. She may be one star short of a constellation but we can't _kill_ her." The Doctor berated gently.

"What?! No! I meant putting her under cryptobiosis or putting her in a permanent coma, or long term at least to see if she could outlive the parasite. We also couldn't send her out on a ship in total isolation until she dies in fifty or so years, because there's a slight chance she's pop back to the TARDIS in fiery vengeance."

The Doctor shuddered. "No. Well… I suppose we could wait and see. Just monitor her and get the TARDIS to put her under cryptobiosis at the first sign of danger."

Rory nodded. "Right. Sounds good. Well, it sounds like it won't happen for a while so… want to watch Harry Potter, then?"

"I love you."

"Out of curiosity, does exposure to vortex energy or just being in the TARDIS… would that affect me in any way?"

"Nothing too bad… I should hope." The Doctor said, nervously tugging at his ear.

Rory snorted. "Ha. Right. Well what about Melody?"

"Well, I mean, I _suppose_ if you were to stay in the TARDIS you'd develop psychic abilities which we've already experimented with… and you're probably more _durable_ the longer you stay. But, I mean, if you survive here long enough, I'm sure some event or other will make you immortal… or dead. Probably dead. Usually dead. But you've already been there. But maybe if you were next to me as I regenerated you could become intrinsically linked to me and/or the TARDIS, and therefore die when we do. Hypothetically, of course."

"Yup. That was _entirely _hypothetical."

The Doctor jumped out of bed and put on his pajama trousers as Rory appreciated the view of all of his firm naked glory. "Allez-y, vite vite! Let's go! Allons-y!" The Doctor looked as though he tasted something bad. "No, that sounds wrong in this mouth. Come along, Roranicus! We've got over 16 hours of Harry Potter to watch, and it's not going to watch itself. Though it'd be interesting if DVDs _were_ self aware and _could_ watch themselves. I'm sure they are somewhere."

Rory put on some pants, climbing onto the Doctor, piggy back style. They travelled over to the comfy maroon couch, collapsing on it so the time lord landed on top of the centurion. The Doctor stood up and threw the HP disks into the fireplace, which, because the TARDIS is amazing, became a giant screen filling the wall. The theme, Hedwig's Theme, began playing and from Rory's eye, a tear ran from. (AN: I can't English, sorry, don't feel like fixing it)

"My childhood," he whispered.

"I'll admit, yours was a great generation. But the Star Trek and Star Wars generations were rather cool too."

"Ugh, kids nowadays are so focused on violence and One Direction and crap telly," Rory complained. "I miss the olden days, when kids would fight each other with swords made of wood, idolizing their roman warrior fathers."

"Still better than the Time Lord academy."

"Yeah I wouldn't fancy looking into the vastness of time now, nevermind an eight year old."

The Doctor shuddered. "It's ironic that I ran _from _the vortex by stealing a TARDIS. Not genius, I'll admit; time travelling to escape the vastness of time _wasn't _ my best idea."

"I dunno, it seemed to work pretty well for you." Rory pointed out, curling into the Doctor.

"You're awfully snuggly as of late."

Rory shrugged. "I seek comfort after encountering evil psychotic ginger ex-wives. It's my thing. There's a method in my madness."

"I'm so glad that that saying was derived from Shakespeare, because to be honest I'm ashamed of some of the sayings nowadays."

"Yeah, like YOLO."

The Doctor snorted. "Living once is not an excuse to do stupid idiotic stuff."

"True, and why is being gay so offensive? By the way, does that get any better in the future?" Rory asked curiously.

"You haven't met Captain Jack Harkness yet, but he's from the 51st century and he's not just bisexual, but _omni_sexual. Captain Innuendo, Mickey called him. Or Captain Cheese. I forget."

"NO! YOU DID _NOT_ MEET MICKEY MOUSE!"

The Doctor burst out laughing. "No no no no no no, though I did call him that. And Ricky. But yeah, Mickey was one of my companion's boyfriends until they broke up and he stayed in a parallel world then my companion was later trapped in that parallel world but came back because she was in love with me then yeah, my newer companion, Donna, touched my severed hand that I grew back, which resulted in two mes but Donna's brain friend unfortunately so she forgot all of me and Handy, my cloned hand thing, was sent off with Rose, the aforementioned companion who was in love with me and together they lived in the parallel world."

Rory was amused. "You could've just said Mickey was one of your companion's boyfriends."

"But I gave you a brief history lesson instead. You're welcome."

"TROLL IN THE DUNGEON," they said in unison with the film.

0oo0o0o0o

Longest chapter by far

Love you all

review


	8. the robotic cat procrastination

so hello everyone, i haven't been on fanfiction for a while now (reading this really awesome fic- actually two fics- Rise of The Drackens, and Family Bonds- both of which are Harry Potter fics and over 60 chapters long) and i've just gotten a new laptop and i've only now gotten a word processor and now feel inspired to write gay doctor who fics once more.

on that note, the rings of akhatan, what was up with that burning jack o lantern in the sky?

where we left off: rory and the doctor watching hp together

"TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!" they both yelled out in unison.

Into the fifth movie, the Doctor yawned and rested his head in Rory's lap. Unfortunately for the time lord, Rory was suddenly reminded of a different Umbridge than the one on screen and burst out laughing spilling hot tea from his mouth onto a very much upset Doctor.

"Ouch, Rory! Rassilon's flaming blood and bones, void fire and Ood pustules!" the Doctor cursed.

Rory flushed and looked sheepish. "Sorry."

Wiping his inflamed face off with the bottom of Rory's forest green T-shirt, the Doctor huffed. "And _what_ is so funny about a young boy writing lines with his own blood?"

Rory sighed and smiled. "Starkid."

The Doctor groaned. "Oh, Roranicus. A few months from now the third Harry Potter musical will come out and you will laugh and cry. Worse than the movies."

"Oh, dear."

"Well..."

"So... it's been over 10 hours... we should probably check and see if Amy's destroyed the world yet."

The Doctor chuckled. "It sounds like we're talking about a troublesome toddler."

Rory's glee quickly vanished from his face. "River would've definitely been a little menace," he said morosely.

"..."

"Doctor." Rory stated firmly. "You are not to blame. It wasn't my fault, wasn't Amy's, wasn't yours. But now River has a fantastic life, and yeah, sometimes I wish Amy and I had just gone to live in some mountains to appease her sense of adventure. I could be the town medic, and Amy could be a photographer." He smiled sadly. "River could grow up and fall in love with a mountain guide, and she'd live down the road and have five or six little ones. But you know what, Doctor? I'm so glad that that never happened. I get to live with you, River gets to travel the universe, and Amy? Well, she's a model and, from what you've told me about her personal future, a successful author. She's free to do whatever she wants and isn't tied down to anyone or anything."

The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "I still find it so surprising that you're no longer the realistic medic who envied and maybe even hated me."

Rory shrugged. "Living a few thousand years would do that to you."

The time lord chuckled and teared up.

"You okay, Doctor?"

"Yeah, m'fine, I just have freaking TEA IN MY CORNEA!"

"Yup, sure. Definitely thinking you're the emotional one of the both of us."

"Shut up."

"Never."

"Anytime, now, would be fine."

"Yup, not happening," Rory grinned cheekily.

"So Amy!" The Doctor yelled, switching the subjects bluntly.

"Yep."

"We should do something."

"Yep."

"Or we could finish Half Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows."

"Or we could... take a shower?"

"We could steal a cat!"

"We could buy a cat!"

"We could make a cat!"

Rory frowned. "I'm not sure I'm following you."

"No seriously, I've made a robot dog, I'm sure we could make a robot cat! Normal cats.." the Doctor shuddered. "Bad experience in my last form. Robot cats are the way to go."

"Um... but Doctor, dogs are subservient and can follow orders... how are you going to make a robot with an attitude?"

"Dunno, but I'm sure we'll figure it out!" The Doctor yelled joyfully.

"Then we could get the cat to scratch Amy!"

The time lord scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah... no, we just said that cats aren't subservient."

"I'm sure Ernesto, our future cat, won't love Amy."

"Or it could be a sass-master and love her just to spite us."

Rory sighed. "Knowing my luck, that would happen."

The Doctor bowed his head, falling to thought once more. "Amy..."

"Yeah... me neither. You know what, Doctor? Let's just procrastinate. I'm sure future Doctor and future Rory will be completely willing and capable to deal with Amy."

The Doctor snorted. "I appreciate the lie, Centurion."

Rory shrugged. "Anytime," he grinned. "So shall we sneak away to the laboratory to make Ernesto the robo-cat?"

"Definitely! Team Roctor for the win!"

"Roct-win?"

They burst out laughing. "You are horrible at names," the Doctor laughed and wiped an invisible tear.

"Says the time lord who called himself the 'King of Okay,'" the centurion retorted.

"True enough."

They snuck down the corridors of the TARDIS, not piggybacking this time in the probable event where they would have to make a quick getaway... or if one of them fell. Both of them over a thousand years old, and they still couldn't walk in a straight line without falling or getting distracted. Bless.

Arriving in the lab, they noticed the TARDIS had set out a bunch of mechanical parts for them and a manual. The Doctor snorted and threw the manual into the garbage compactor which would eventually be a projectile into a sun the next time they were drifting in space as they were right now.

Rory quirked an eyebrow. "Was that really necessary?"

"Meh. I hate rules. Except my rules. My rules are good rules. Except when they're not. You remember the whole 'Good man goes to war' thing. I usually abide to my rules so I don't have as many legends and tales of battles. Healing, sure. But battles? I try to stay away from those."

"Yeah, right. You are basically the centre of attention for numerous other aliens, and you attract trouble."

"Do not!"

Rory raised the other eyebrow.

"Okay... _fine. _But I blame the TARDIS for me meeting the devil."

"You..."

"Yep."

"But..."

"Yeah... well, not necessarily the devil. Just a big monstery creature thing that lived at the center of an impossible planet and almost killed me and spoke a really really ancient language and um... yeah was really scary. But a good psychologist can do the same." The Doctor shrugged nonchalantly.

"What was your greatest fear back then?"

The Doctor blushed. "Well... _Rory,"_ he exasperated, "That was a different _regeneration, _a basically different _person_... you can hardly blame me-"

"It was Rose, wasn't it." Rory guessed, not even asking.

The Doctor turned. "Well, this cat won't make itself!"

0o0o0o0oo00o

And that's it for the chapter! A lot of people have followed this story, and i'm really glad! Reviewing would be much appreciated but not necessary for my survival.


	9. The Pond Departure

Hello! I'm here to update!

Where we left off:

"What was your greatest fear back then?"

_The Doctor blushed. "Well... Rory," he exasperated, "That was a different regeneration, a basically different person... you can hardly blame me-"_

_"It was Rose, wasn't it." Rory guessed, not even asking._

_The Doctor turned. "Well, this cat won't make itself!"_

0o0o00oo0oo0o0o00ooo00o0o0

MEANWHILE WITH THE PYSCHO GINGER WHO MIGHT JUST REALLY BE MISUNDERSTOOD

Her heart was racing. He head was pounding. She couldn't do it anymore.

She couldn't handle it.

Wiping her brow, her face turned beet red in concentration. Amelia Pond had done a variety of impossibly difficult things throughout her life, but this topped it. Taking over control over her body for the first time in... good TARDIS, she didn't know how long. That crack in her wall had been a menace, to every Amy Pond in every universe, and she was finally taking control.

It could be argued that she was a spiteful, cruel-hearted and selfish bitch, and if she were to admit it to herself, she'd give that argument some merit. It was true. She had grown up twisted and broken on the inside, locking away that part of herself to other people. Rory had experienced a bit of it every once in a while... he had liked to call that part of herself a dragon. That was true, too. She was seriously screwed up, Master or no.

But this was enough. Sure, she was jealous over the Doctor and Rory's budding relationship, but she knew this. That didn't give her an excuse to kill them, as satisfying as that may be. While she was not the nicest of people, no one could deny that she loved the both of them with all her heart and soul. Killing, ripping, tearing... oh yes. She'd love to. But she couldn't. And she wasn't about to let some otherworldly demon do it for her.

She smiled melancholically. There was only one solution, and she knew it. Her sickness... she was aware that she'd never be completely normal... or even human.

Amy Pond walked quietly to the console room, stroking the walls and reminiscing about all the fun times she had had in this amazing... she didn't even know what to call it. Sentient being sounded to clinical.

Home. She smiled. Yes, the TARDIS was her home. Her child was a daughter of it. And it was the best most... excellent perfect home she could ever have imagined.

Oh this was such a sad departure. Still, at least she was doing it of her own free will, and that was something that is almost always taken for granted.

Imagine it for a minute. You can't control your actions. You watch as you force your loved ones to hate you and they pull away from you. You try to communicate. You yell, you kick, you punch, you _scream_. But it doesn't matter. You have to watch, as you slowly destroy everything you've ever loved. It begins really quite minor. You mouth off at your teacher. You cry into your pillow.

Then maybe it gets a little worse. You get snappy at your classmates and casual friends. What's the problem? It's not like they loved you anyway. They don't care. Then, you slowly begin to fall faster and faster into a deep pit of despair. You stop doing the things you love. What's the point of it all? You're miserable.

Your loved ones have started to notice. Well, they noticed it long ago, but it scared them. And when people are scared, they chalk it up to a more mundane reasonable answer. They say you're a teenager; you're only PMSing. You're just moody.

And it gets even more severe. They stop talking to you. And you're crying. But why? It's because they don't know. They don't know that they don't see you. They are unaware that you are silently dying inside, a slave to this.. this _thing_ that has decided to wreak havoc. And you can't do anything.

Nothing.

At all.

Amy stroked the TARDIS console, flicking one button the Doctor had showed her. It was the safety switch, so if someone were to fall out of the TARDIS, they'd stay within an air bubble and would stay tethered to the TARDIS.

The TARDIS shuddered, and glowed. She knew what was going on. She knew that Amy had temporarily won the battle within her skull. Shuddering once more, the TARDIS went back to normal. No sound of faint rain, no backwards gravity.

Laughing, Amelia Pond went out the doors of the TARDIS for the last time.

She never returned.

...

..

...

The Doctor stood up straight and shook his head. Something wasn't right... time was rewriting itself. He felt Sexy become... sad. Like she was missing something.

Looking over to Rory, he noticed his partner was out of it as well.

"Doctor?"

"Yeah?"

"Do..."

The Doctor frowned. "Something just happened. Something big. But..." he sighed. "I can't seem to put my finger on it... strange expression, that. Put my finger on what? Exactly. I don't know. And why my finger? Why not my toe? Toes are so rarely used in English expressions, it's rather sad. They're a great appendage... toes. I suppose whoever created the base human form decided, hey, why don't I make the end of their foot all... wiggly woggly-"

"Doctor... maybe instead of talking about toes, we should figure out why we don't know the reason for use to feel this way."

"To the console room, I suppose. Sexy'll know."

Rory shook his head almost diagonally. "Do you feel like we missed something? Something big... Doctor. How did we meet?"

The Time Lord was alarmed. "How did we _meet_? Why, Roranicus, how could you forget! We..." he frowned again. "Oh. I don't know. Time relapse? Crack in time-"

"Why does that sound familiar?"

The Doctor shrugged. "We need to find this out. And fast. It seems as though a good twenty or so years have... more or less disappeared from my memory. Well not so much disappeared so much as that... the memories are skewed. They've been tampered with. But not for evil purposes."

"Didn't you once say that Captain Jack couldn't remember a year or two?"

"...Oh _Rassilon_ I hope we didn't just have the same experience. But once again... the memory lapse seems gentle. As though it's for the best."

Arriving at the console room, everything looked well... normal. Not overly suspiciously normal... just, average. Everyday. So much as an alien ship that's bigger on the inside can seem normal.

Jogging over to the other side of the console room, Rory picked up a red long sleeve plaid shirt. Tears welled up in his eyes... but he didn't know why. It was like someone was missing, someone fire-y. He almost felt... at peace that they were gone.

The Doctor leaned against Rory's shoulder sadly. "I don't remember. But..."

"Yeah, me too. I don't really mind."

"It's... serene. Peaceful. I feel... like this huge responsibility has been removed. Not all of them, just a recent one I didn't even know I had."

"Me too."

0o0o00o0o0o0

And that's the end of Amy Pond, folks. I want this story to be a bit more fluffy now, and so it was written, and so smote it be.

Review please! (including you, elmorox35, albeit you talk about it later.)


	10. Chapter 10

AN: so i edited this chapter because it didn't make much sense so it's basically an entire rewrite. In other news, i joined the hannibal fandom and just finished watching sherlock!

0o0ooo0000

_Rory picked up a red long sleeve plaid shirt. Tears welled up in his eyes... but he didn't know why. It was like someone was missing, someone fire-y. He almost felt... at peace that they were gone. _

_The Doctor leaned against Rory's shoulder sadly. "I don't remember. But..."_

_"Yeah, me too. I don't really mind."_

_"It's... serene. Peaceful. I feel... like this huge responsibility has been removed. Not all of them, just a recent one I didn't even know I had."_

_"Me too."_

0o0oo0o00ooo0

The Doctor frowned and went to the console, pulling a lever and striking a coordination into the typewriter.

Looking up at the screen, he changed the default language to English for Rory's benefit. Smiling, Rory came up beside the Doctor, hugging him from the side.

The time lord looked over at his partner, noticing his concerned expression.

"Don't worry, Rory, we'll figure it out." He murmured gently in his lover's ear.

Rory sighed. "I know... but I don't really know if I want to find out. I mean, it feels like we got rid of a problem... but at the same time, it feels like we lost something important."

The Doctor scrunched his eyebrows together. "Why... does it feel to you, Rory, like you've been in this situation before?"

He cocked his head to the side, accidentally banging the Doctor's shoulder. "Um, no... yeah, no, not really."

The Doctor looked away. Exhaling frustratedly, the Doctor took a few steps away from Rory, nearly pulling out his hair. "I have no idea where to start, Centurion."

"And I can't remember why you call me the Centurion. I mean," Rory frowned again, "I sort of remember living in a Roman camp, and I felt really alone and confused, but that doesn't make sense with my timestream either. I know I grew up in Leadworth... but I barely remember my childhood or my friends."

"We should be careful, though. It's best not to muck around when it comes to cranial matters."

Rory sighed. "A nap wouldn't go amiss, right about now. But I'm not actually that tired. Why don't we go get a fresh cup of tea then sort these things out," He smiled.

Running a hand through his hair worriedly, the Doctor nodded. "Hm. I suppose so. Tea's always a good solution. Must be all those tannins which are ever so great for refreshing the brain after a shock," he turned around and headed for the kitchen. "I remember once when I regenerated, I basically fainted from a mixture of well, a bunch of stuff, then I took a nap, had some tea and was raring to go! I really think my only concern was if my companion approved of my appearance and wasn't completely disgusted with me doing the whole regeneration thing instead of dying. Don't know why people always freak out about that. I mean, would they have _preferred _me dead? These are the questions that haunt me," he finished dramatically, twirling and falling into the wall of the Tardis corridor.

Rory shook his head and picked up the Doctor fireman-style.

"I hope you know that I'm the superior race, I'm a time lord from the constellation Kasterborous and I'm over 1100 years old. I've fought wars, I've caused wars, I've stopped wars, I've _saved lives_. And I demand you unleash me!" The Doctor huffed and squirmed.

"Oh, relax you big baby. I'm just here to make sure we can go the next ten feet to the kitchen without you crashing into me and hurting yourself. You never shut up about the smallest cut!" Rory teased, booping the Doctor on the nose.

"_Roryyyyyyy_, my nose still hurts from the carpet burn!"

The Centurion in question raised an eyebrow. "So much for superior species."

"Shut up and give me my tea." The Doctor harrumphed.

Rory sat the Doctor down at the kitchen table and when about making tea for what seemed like the umpteenth time that day. "So how should we go about retrieving our memories?" He handed a mug of tea to the Doctor.

The time lord frowned into the mug. "You know I like my tea in a cup."

"Well tough, you're the one who thinks they're all high and mighty, if you want a classic cup of tea get it yourself."

"Well someone's moody today." The Doctor pointed out. "So I think we should visit a certain Mr Jack Harkness, for starters."

"Mm, do you? I'm pretty sure there's a 'captain' in there somewhere, dearie."

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he said flippantly, taking a sip from his mug. He looked at the mug appraisingly, "Huh, tastes better in a mug. Must have some sort of weird thing that does it to your brain to make it seem like it's better."

"Yeah," Rory said, "Or I put something in it."

The time lord's eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't."

Rory shrugged. "Maybe I would, and maybe I wouldn't."

He sighed. "Don't tell me," he sniffed precautiously and scrunched up his nose. "You didn't... oh _Rory..._ you put that petrichor brand of sugar into my tea, didn't you?"

"Maybe."

"You know I'm close to an addiction of that stuff since it makes my foot tingle pleasantly, and with low doses it's a rather irritating itch in my foot for the rest of the day."

"Uh, no... all it does to you is make your hair super floppy and makes it flip up instead of flopping down."

"But my hair is cool," the Doctor whined. "The sticky uppy hair makes me look ridiculous and Jack's gonna tease me! Not to mention the rest of Torchwood!"

"Don't worry babe, you've got a centurion who's got your back."

"Well all of a sudden I feel sixteen again."

Rory frowned. "You were in the Time Lord academy where everyone was loomed and sexual reproduction was a shunned thing; why would me attempting to hit on you feel like you did back when you were in an overly controlled environment?"

"Rory, you take things too literally."

"Shut up, I pick up on jokes just fine, thank you. It's not my fault that your jokes couldn't get a laughing cow to even emit the slightest of giggles."

The Doctor smirked. "Just wait until you meet Jack. He'll prove to you I'm not such a stick in the mud."

Rory blushed. "Sorry, too many dirty thoughts going through my head. Speaking of dirt, I wouldn't mind being the mud if you were the stick," he winked awkwardly.

The Doctor huffed out a laugh. "Okay, I'll admit to being horribly unfunny if you admit to being the most awkward seducer ever."

"Ehm, I think it's a tie for the both of us for those two categories. But we should get back to the console room to get on our way, though."

The time lord shrugged, "Sure. But isn't walking there so boring? Why don't we leap frog?"

"Um, because we're two of the most clumsy people in existence and we'd end up destroying the Tardis from the inside out?"

"Fair point. Walking it is!"

O0o0o00oo0oo0

And there, less confusion, more fluff. Just how i like it. The next chapter will be full of Jack, teaching them how to properly flirt as well as attempting to have a threesome. And yeah, the whole plot thing of finding out about the memory block that the tardis put in so rory and the doctor wouldn't feel the pain of losing amy despite her turning evil

Sorry i've been gone so long though. I started getting emails informing me of new followers of this story and felt really guilty. Reviews would make me guilter and update quicker. Just saying


	11. The Crotch Rocket

So i re-did chapter 10 because the original was completely awful, so read that first otherwise you'll have no clue what's going on

**Previously on ****TLCATMM**

_The Doctor huffed out a laugh. "Okay, I'll admit to being horribly unfunny if you admit to being the most awkward seducer ever."_

_"Ehm, I think it's a tie for the both of us for those two categories. But we should get back to the console room to get on our way, though."_

_The time lord shrugged, "Sure. But isn't walking there so boring? Why don't we leap frog?"_

_"Um, because we're two of the most clumsy people in existence and we'd end up destroying the Tardis from the inside out?"_

_"Fair point. Walking it is!"_

**0o00o0**

**NOW:**

Rory and the Doctor walked into the side entrance of Torchwood; it was to all appearances a tourist spot information kiosk with a kind looking young man in a suit smiling as they came in.

"Hello, my name is Ianto Jones. What can I help you with today?" he smiled politely, adjusting his already perfect tie.

The Doctor grinned. "Ah, yes, we're here for a certain Mr. Jack Harkness? Be a doll, Ianto, and go fetch him for us?"

"I thought he was Captain Jack Harkness?" Rory asked.

The time lord rolled his eyes. "His ego doesn't need to be boosted."

"Sorry sirs, this is an information kiosk. I don't know any Jack Harkness, though if you'd like a brochure on famous people who have lived in Cardiff, I'd be happy to provide."

The Doctor's eyes narrowed. "Ianto. Ianto Jones? Don't you remember me? I'm the Doctor," he said proudly, puffing out his chest.

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Sorry sir, I've no recollection of any doctor."

Rory sighed. "Oh come on, we just want to get into Torchwood! He's been here before, you'd met him, right?"

"Listen here, Ianto, I'm a time lord, and I've known Jack for quite a long time. Want proof that no one else has? Okay, I met Jack when I wore a leather jacket and my companion was Rose Tyler. He was an ex-time agent who was trying to sell me a faulty missile during the Blitzkreig. He likes to wear a blue trench coat, Jack Harkness isn't his real name, and he wears a leather band on his arm that can transport him through time and space. Happy?"

Ianto smiled sheepishly and nodded. "Sorry, Doctor. Didn't recognize you. There's the occasional conspiracy theorist who's done their research on Torchwood. Can never be too certain." He walked around the desk and shook hands with Rory. "Sorry mate, as I've already mentioned, I'm Ianto Jones. Human, overall know it all, Jack's lover. You are?"

"Ehm, uh, Rory. Uh... Rory Williams. Kind of sort of human, I suppose. I'm a nurse.. and I was at one point a roman soldier. I'm the Doctor's er..." Rory hesitated, looking over at his partner in crime.

"He's quite a few things to me, actually, Ianto. He's my equal. But oh, he's so much _more."_ The Doctor took in a deep breath. "He's great at making tea and he's a homebody, but if someone were to threaten us then he'd pull out his sword and fight like you wouldn't believe. He's strong, brave, loyal, he was once _plastic._ And-"

"Um, Doctor, I think it'd be faster to go see Jack and then do all the introductory stuff, right?" The centurion cut in.

The Doctor deflated. "I was in the middle of a speech, Roranicus."

"Yes, and now you're not. You can start your speech up again when we see Jack. And we also have to deal with the fact that we can't remember some key points in our recent history." Rory reasoned.

"Right, sirs, come this way please. You two probably don't need me to do the Torchwood spiel, yes, aliens exist blah blah blah. Anyway, we defend the Earth from harmful aliens, but basically we just collect alien stuff and cover it up meanwhile trying not to blow up the world. And oh yeah, we have a pterodactyl, just heads up. And what we like to call a "Weevil"... they're these humanoid ape looking thins that wear blue janitorial clothing... it's best not to ask. We have one downstairs; we call her Janet. She's sweet, really. Just don't um, well, touch her or talk to her or contact her in any way. That goes double for you, Doctor, remember last time?"

The Doctor turned red and tugged an ear nervously. "I speak Weevil." He argued.

"Yep, well, Janet didn't seem to appreciate what you said to her, sir."

"Well, hello there. Ianto, brought me some eye candy, then?" A charming, flirtatious voice said from up above. "Ianto, you know you're the only one for me, besides, you're the only one who dresses properly. So let's see here," a man in a deep blue trench coat approached them, "One has crazy sticky uppy hair that looks abnormal and also wears a bowtie, so probably the Doctor. Which makes the young attractive big nosed boy beside him his single available companion, am I right?" He winked at Rory.

Rory smiled sheepishly. "Um, not quite... no. I'm not the Doctor's companion, nor am I available, thank you very much."

The man in the trench coat raised an eyebrow and grinned widely. "Ooh, sassy. I think we'll get along just fine. I'm-"

"Jack," the Doctor said warningly.

Jack laughed. "What? I was just trying to say hello! Just like the good old days, eh? Wanna give me a peck on the lips, just like old times, Doc?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Stop it."

The Captain huffed, then walked right by the Doctor to kiss Ianto passionately, mussing up his hair in the process. "Ah well, Ianto, I'll always have you, right?"

"That's right, sir," Ianto responded quickly.

"See Ianto over here at least knows how to dress," Jack pointed out to the Doctor.

Ianto quirked a smile and straightened out his coat jacket that had mysteriously come undone. "I do my best, sir."

"Right, so, Torchwood. Big government facility, bit like U.N.I.T., right? And you're the head of it?" Rory asked.

Jack smirked. "Not only the head of it. The head, the bottom, the top, whatever you want, babe."

"Geez, you weren't kidding," Rory whispered into the Doctor's ear.

"So what can I do ya for, big nose?" Jack winked.

"Stop flirting with me, for one."

"So you're not his companion, yeah? So what are you... Chippendale stripper? Plan to make our night better? Do you have some sort of time ailment, because what the Doc can't do, the Captain certainly can," he leered.

"Jack," the Doctor said warningly.

Rory took a deep calming breath and pinched his nose. "No. I'm a nurse. I'm the boy who waited. I'm the Last Centurion. I've battled fleets of Cybermen, I was plastic and basically killed my wife. I overcame my hardwiring because I am most _definitely_ human. I'm over 2000 years old, I can't remember sections of the last 20 or so years, and I'm the Doctor's partner. His equal. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't test my patience."

Jack's eyes widened, and he took a step back, raising his hands. "Woah there, sweet stuff, didn't mean anything by it."

"Right. So. How can you help, Harkness?" Rory said stiffly.

Jack checked his watch. "Well, I can't help tonight. There was a rift alert about ten minutes ago I should be going to, looks like another person being put back in our time. I'll be back in an hour or so, because there's probably an angry Viking crashing through the streets of Cardiff as we speak." He said, heading towards the platforms.

Ianto raised his eyebrows. "The SUV's out of gas right now, sir. You'll have to take the crotch rocket."

Jack frowned. "It's a motorbike, Ianto. Cut it out with your Welsh slang," he said, kissing him on the cheek. "I'll be home soon!"

Ianto sighed, and turned back to the time-and-space-travelling couple. "Anyone for coffee? I make the best in the country. Or tea, if you'd prefer."

O0o0o00oo0o0

And thats the end of this chapter, this will be updated quicker seeing as i have exams in about two days and love to procrastinate.


	12. Torchwood Drama

A/N: ... and we're back! I finished all my exams, and all went well. It seems this story has gained a few followers since last I updated, which is fantastic! Hello new people! I am sincerely sorry for my horrendous updating schedule, after this fic is done I plan to only do one shots and max 5 chapter stories. (Well this was supposed to be a one-shot but fracking elmorox35 decided HEY THIS SHOULD CONTINUE well, eleven chapters and almost a year later, here we are)

Last time on TLCATMM:

_Jack checked his watch. "Well, I can't help tonight. There was a rift alert about ten minutes ago I should be going to, looks like another person being put back in our time. I'll be back in an hour or so, because there's probably an angry Viking crashing through the streets of Cardiff as we speak." He said, heading towards the platforms._

_Ianto raised his eyebrows. "The SUV's out of gas right now, sir. You'll have to take the crotch rocket."_

_Jack frowned. "It's a motorbike, Ianto. Cut it out with your Welsh slang," he said, kissing him on the cheek. "I'll be home soon!"_

_Ianto sighed, and turned back to the time-and-space-travelling couple. "Anyone for coffee? I make the best in the country. Or tea, if you'd prefer."_

Now:

Jack returned five minutes later in a flash of white light, his clothes a wreck but not a scratch on him. There were singed bullet holes all over him and his hair was mussed up. It looked as though he was in the middle of an explosion, his face covered in ash and his boots mucked up.

The Doctor narrowed his eyes. "Jack, I disabled your Vortex Manipulator for a reason," he said warningly, looking at the clock on the wall. "You were supposed to be gone an hour. How long were you away, from your perspective?"

Jack ran a hand through his hair and grinned unrepentantly. " Oh... four... maybe five hours? It sucked going solo against a fleet of roman soldiers, but," he shrugged, "It's not like I'm gonna call Tosh or Owen or Gwen to come help, they were just on an 18 hour shift. And Gwen has the baby, too. But so far as my vortex manipulator, did you really expect that disabling it would stop me?"

"Did you use it to make duplicates of yourself to fight the soldiers?" The Doctor asked, looking over at Rory.

"No!" Jack said, looking absolutely appalled. Then he bared his teeth uncomfortably, sticking his hands in his coat pockets. "Well... maybe. Only once or twice," he answered meekly.

Rory chuckled. "Doctor, you're really not one to talk."

"Tut tut, Rory. Let's not talk about the Pandorica, okay?"

Rory rolled his eyes. "Right, let's chastise this poor little trench-coat wearing American for mucking about with time, but it's perfectly okay when you send yourself back in time twelve minutes to die in front of yourself?"

"Well, I didn't necessarily _die_ Rory. Just... faked it so that you'd all leave me be. So I could, you know, reboot the universe and all that."

Jack raised an eyebrow and looked over to Ianto. "You ladies done squabbling?"

Rory looked over and frowned. "No no no, wait a minute here, _Doctor_," he said. "I'm not done here, sorry, Jack. But, listen here, buster, because if you think you can squibble over insignificant details while you should be focusing on _what I'm saying._ Dammit, Doctor, you're always doing this to me. _You don't get the point._ I'm telling you-"

"Uh, Ianto and I are just gonna-" Jack said, slowly backing away.

"_Not now, Jack." _The Doctor huffed out frustratedly, not noticing that Jack and Ianto were leaving.

"Now, please continue, Rory, about how I'm an ignorant buffoon and shouldn't consider myself so high and mighty," The Doctor said snarkily.

"No, Doctor. Stop it. Don't go making yourself the victim. You're doing it again, you're avoiding. I'm merely pointing out that you _never _focus on what's right in front of you, because _you don't want to deal with it. _Remember before we were together? I gave you hint upon hint, and you wouldn't get flustered or anything, no! You'd just dance around me and call for Amy and avoid each and every instance we could possibly be alone. But as soon as River Song came around, you basically fell in love with her with _me standing right there,_" he whispered brokenly. "And that's not even the worst of it. You have so many faults, Doctor, and good lord do I love you for them, but I think you're rather unaware they're even faults."

Rory sat down and looked away from the Doctor. He couldn't say these words to the Doctor's face, he couldn't bear to see the pain in the Doctor's eyes. "You're broken, I get that. So am I. I'm trying to be better, but you! Time and time again you chastise others for things you would've done. Yeah, I get it. You're sad, alone, suicidal. But dammit Doctor, you always think of everyone else, yet you choose to put yourself in danger. You have no idea how much that hurts me. Know why? Because although you love me as much as I love you, you don't seem to think that your life is important enough to be worth saving. River knew it, and she called upon the entire universe to help you. And you know what? They did. They answered. Doctor, you are so so important, and-" he broke off.

"No- fuck, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore." Rory leaned into the Doctor's shoulder. "I love you, but it hurts. When you put yourself in danger, when you flirted with River... but, I hate you sometimes. You're just so... two-faced! Hypocritical! And you can be downright genocidal and mean!"

Rory finally looked up at the Doctor's face. The time lord blinked quickly and looked up. He swallowed painfully, but not before a muffled choked sound escaped from his lips. The Doctor's face crumpled as he looked away. "R-" he broke off. "Rory," he said in a calmer tone. "I'd like to be alone now. Just. Don't want to make a statement about anything. I'll be by the docks." He nodded and walked away.

"Okay, Ianto, you go deal with Rory over there, and I'll go help the Doctor. Meet back in two hours for some ... wrestling?" The Captain winked.

"Yes, sir. I'll be counting down the minutes with my timer."

"Oh, can't wait to see what else you can do with that thing."

Rory was in shock. He'd really just sort of.. exploded on the Doctor. I mean, usually he only ever _thought_ those things and occasionally felt like screaming... but that was out of character.. even for him. Whatever happened to the homebody cosy little fireplace teddy bear Rory Williams?

Ianto walked over slowly, not wanting to alarm the pensive upset centurion. "I brought tea."

Rory looked up, his eyes full of pain. "Thanks, Ianto," he whispered. "I love him, alright? He hurts me, but I love him. And I just burst. Oh god, I shouldn't've. But I did," he shook his head.

Jack found the Doctor sitting gloomily at the edge of the pier, looking down into the waters.

"Hey, Doc."

"Jack." He noted dully.

"What's up, Doc?" He said, sitting beside him.

The time lord sighed. "I don't like me."

"Not very many people like themselves."

The Doctor didn't say anything for a long time. "I know that Rory loves me, and countless others, and that I've done so much... but, _I _don't love me. And that's a problem, because in not loving myself I'm hurting others and that hurts me more. And I feel like if I can never love me, then how can I even work in a relationship if I think I'm unimportant and just... off myself?"

"I understand. I feel that way all the time. The thing is, is that you have to let yourself be healed. Let yourself love. Don't run away, stay where you are for a while and figure things out for yourself. In the meantime, explain yourself to Rory. Tell him _everything_. Tell him how you feel worthless and you feel bad about feeling worthless and you feel horrible about feeling bad for yourself."

The Doctor nodded sharply. "You've lived more lives than me, Jack. I've always been the Doctor. I've always had a persona. But you've had a chance to explore just about every facet of your personality. I.. I trust you." He stood up. "I'm going back to Rory, thanks Jack."

Jack smiled and looked out onto the water. Yes, he felt good about himself.

"Rory?" the Doctor asked, walking into the main section of Torchwood.

"Doctor," Rory replied, a smile colouring his tone.

"I-" but the time lord was cut off, for his lips were occupied.

O0o00ooo00o

Well that's one of the longest chapters to date. I am really sorry for Rory's ramblings, I suppose you could call this a filler chapter. Also, if you didn't get my notice last chapter, I replaced my nonsensical 10th chapter just in case you're wondering why rory and the doctor are at torchwood instead of the Library.


End file.
